i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
