you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
