saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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