the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
