in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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