Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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