i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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