2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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