I heard we made out
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
as a side note pls kill me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
