just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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