I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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