In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pants are for mortals
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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