what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
