I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
