it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
