I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I want her autograph on my taint
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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