If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
