the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
