Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
