Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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