i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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