So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How does it feel to date your dad?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
