Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
