She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
