FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Less talking, more tequila
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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