This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
