No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
