I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
