dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
