I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Nicole vs. Life
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We have started to decorate penises.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
