Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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