He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize