If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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