I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
