and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
