that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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