he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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