Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
