this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
