you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
