Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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