You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
