Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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