We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
