11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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