Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
