I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
