I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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