My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
