things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
