i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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