No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
