remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize