my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
