Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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