im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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