My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A+ Viking dick
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
