Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
