Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
