I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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