When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize