I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
