see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
