i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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