She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
