Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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