so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
